As always, I was accused of spying, looking at his phone  call records.  I don’t have any idea what his username and password  is, since I turned over to him the phone that he is using right now almost over a year now.  On that precise moment when I thought it will happen or it is happening, your logical mind will tell you that no phone  call record will show up yet.  Not unless of course, you are monitoring everything over a satellite . Well, in the past he will accuse me of so many things everytime I hit it right in the nose. This is not new to me.

Bottom line—-I have learned to pay attention and validate.  It is scared me though. Quiet frankly I don’t want to be  wired into his energy field and the energy field of that woman. but it seems like  I am picking up both.

More than ever, I have a very strong conviction to just get out of this relationship. I just feel that this karmic entanglement is going to be chaotic in the end. I don’t want to be caught in the middle of that chaos. And I know,  I have to do it soon.

As I am writing this—-I feel perfectly fine. I am not angry, not hurt, and the thought just died down. It did not linger anymore.

If you are reading this—-and you have similar experience, please let me know. I want to understand. I want to validate. I want to put this thing into good use.  I want to understand more.

I knew as a child that I always have this intuition the “gut-feel’—-the ability to sense when something is not right. I also have seen some elements.  In the entire 5  years of being with this man—this “gut-feel” has always led me to discover all the things that I don’t like to know. I t was this  “this-gut’ which will drive me to do more—-to find out more.  Of course, this doesn’t happen all the time. But when it does, I knew then that I have to do it.  And just recently, it did happen again!

I never really paid attention to my intuition—I never even thought using this to my advantage—at least in making the right decisions.

Not until that day—-and today, I am paying more attention to how I feel—I am learning to listen to my inner voice—-In a way it gave me peace and shielded  me away from pain.

It was also on that  heightened pain when I started feeling a very strange longing of finding out—-knowing more about my spirit guide.  I have been wanting to do this for along long time. But again,  I was unable to practice the kind of meditation that is required. Plus, it scares me to death to think—-that I might not like what or who I will see.

ALL of these fears stopped me from knowing my “guide”. Till that day! On my previous post, I talked about how I was drawn to this “psychic” things.  I was relentless, till I spoke with one woman who basically was instrumental in letting me know who my guide is.

I was told that the time has come that he wants to make himself  known, “I have been through some really rough times and painful experiences, the thing is and the reason why he’s making himself “known” to me  is because he wants me  to start paying attention … but the message is that he wants me  to communicate with him, tell him my fears, hopes, dreams, and ask him to come to me for help”.

I was ecstatic, now he has a  name!  I will talk to him as often as I could now.  More than anything else, I have my peace—I  feel the love—I know I am not alone! I have a friend who truly cares and constantly watching over my shoulders.

So I started by giving out my name and my birthday . I can’t  really tell whether the reading and what I was told is extraordinary, good or bad.  But with all due credits to the psychic, there were some things that seems to be accurate. I can say it was a pleasant experience. At least for someone like me, who probably at that point in time is desperately seeking for answers.

Will I have another psychic reading again? Probably I will.

I guess this article is going to be a personal post, about what had happened to me recently which relates to the “not-so-good” things about chatting on line. I have been in relationship with a man for 5 years and we had a 4 year old daughter.  Like normal people he will chat all the time, and yes his chatting has become a way of  life.  Most of the time I will tell him that he doesn’t come home to “us’ but to his computer and his chat friends. There were a lot nights spent when I could almost go crazy feeling so alone sand  isolated while he chat the night away till 2 or 3 in the morning.  I sort of can’t come near whenever he’s chatting  because he doesn’t like it. He feels that I am taking away his freedom.  Nigh after night after night,  I will be sitting in another room with our daughter waiting for him to finish chatting.  I can’t discuss about his friends on-line,  what they’re talking about, or who is he talking to. This has never been discussed openly.  He thinks it is a violation of his privacy. He keeps everything to himself.I  feel like I am always groping in the dark. And indeed, it came like a roaring thunder and struck me like a lightning.

Last  night, he said that he will go to the grocery store. At first, I was kind a surprise. I mean I am with this guy for 5 years, and  going out to the grocery is one of the things that he will always manage to do later without any sense of urgency at all. And even if there is a sense of urgency, sometimes he just wouldn’t go for some reasons. Though you would hear him say that he wants to go a couple of times.

This particular night is different—he took off as quick as he could—that  was unusual I thought. Then this urge came to find out what’s going on—– and there—–I found out one thing that I dread knowing.

Not only that he had sexual conversation with this woman on line prior to that, but they also agreed to have phone sex. I was devastated! What difference does it make between actually cheating on your partner deliberately.

I know that this is  happening—-and I will often tell him not to put me in the middle of this because I don’t know how I would take it.

I am lost—–I am reaching out—–I am looking for comfort —–I am looking for answers—–I am looking for just anything and everything to ease the pain. Anyone?

Indeed the internet has bridged the gap between people across the globe and has made almost all information available at our fingertips. In this sense, it is a blessing.

But what about when the very same gateway, starts to destroy relationships, or even change our way of life? Let’s forget moral issues—-let’s stick to the facts. I can speak for myself since I personally know a person who placed chatting as the first and last order of the day.

Maybe you’re wondering—-or even raise your brows—-and say, ‘so what is extraordinary about it’ , or perhaps ‘what is wrong with chatting’.

I will answer your question but asking another question. How much an average person will spend chatting in the computer everyday? How many hours do you spend chatting/ talking to your friends everyday?

Let’s face it almost every single adult in this planet taps their keyboard and chat. Seems normal. Sure!

Then if chatting is such a normal occurrence in our day to day life, when does it become not-normal, or should I say excessive to a point of being destructive.

Is it normal if a man or a woman let’s say, in a relationship, living with someone and has a child will come, and starts chatting shortly till 2 in the morning , 7 days a week?

I don’t evenknow what is normal anymore. All I can say is that I bear witness  when excessive chatting alongside side with constant visits to a porn site has destroyed a family.

Is it really about the internet? Or about us?

Peace!